twentysix.

ahhh wildwood '09 great great week. but i'm so glad to be back with my asian <3 ahh tracy you be sew qt. i love that i can laugh at people with you, and you can tell me everything that you can't tell your other 'bestfriends'--hahaha i can't wait for the rest of the summer that we can just make fun of people all day, and enjoy each other's company. we don't do anything, you show up at my house and for some reason you match me?! like whutdahell. we're just the perfect bestfriends that we read each other's mind. i think it's so funny that you're one of the few people that can seperate from me at shows and not have heartattacks, and we don't get mad at each other over stupid things <3 i haven't had a friend like that in a while, i'm glad that i found someone like you in gaymack (:

edit: skell is over right now, i missed her )': then she's coming over tomorrow in da am :3

twentyfive.

For the past first days of summer all i have been doing is hanging out with these two and let me tell you, it's been the absolute best. they are so funny and just so great. my summer really is starting out better than any of my past summers and this makes me happy. i'm really happy we're best friends now (: i'm glad i got you away from all the garbage and drama that you were forced to endure, you didn't need/deserve that. and you really didn't need all the garbage that you were putting into your body, i'm glad you're not dumb and possibly one of the only people i can not be annoyed with, even though you only love me behind closed doors. d:

the thing that i love the most is that we still hang out with our other friends but we love each other the most :D no i lied, the thing i love the most is that we've become so close in such a brief period of time, and i still can't wait to get to know you more over the summer, when i'll be living at your house, and you'll be living at mine<3 i don't trst people easily, and neither do you, but you put your trust in me and i can honestly say i trust you too. people are gonna say stupid things because, THEY'RE HATERS, THEY SUCK...HELLO?! but we won't let them get to us because they're not worth our time. bye haters! (:

edit: HAY HATER! YOU'RE SO COOL. DO WANT YOU (: I'M GLAD THAT YOU THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T BE FARTHER BACK IN MY MIND :DDDDD LOVE MY LIFE (: HAVE FUN HATING <33333333333333

twentyfour.

these men are still my favorite band ever. underoath<3 they've got me through this sucky year, along with the other amazing band i love to death. ADTR. oh jeremy, tom, neil, alex, john thanks for always giving me a good song to punch things to d: the ending of this school year was bittersweet really, sweet because the people who needed to leave are finally gone and taking their pittiful drama with them, and bitter because the select few who i wanted to stay are gone and now i'm stuck in hell with one person to help me through. but whatever, i have you God and you gave me my strength for a reason <3

so bring on the lame quotations from little girls about how summer is for lovinn and all that crap, bring on the little icons that flash SUMMER 09 OMG LOVVEEEEEEEEEEE that are gonna piss me off, bring it all on. because with your strength that dwells within me God... I can make it through (:

twentythree.

mmm, nothing like adtr (: but yes, true lines right there. Jesus is my friend too so it's a very true lyric :D so this week has been great. i've been in the best mood <3 tonight i'm going to see dance flick with cocoangel, imy, jesseeekaaa, natalia, doratheexplora. maybe more, i love those girls. i can not wait for wildwood, i really hope parker can come )': stupid graduation thing. i'm so grateful that God has given me the strength to get through all of the trials that have been being thrown at me. cheaters is a very intertaining show by the way, and chinese food is gewddddd :3

so i have a billion things to do for homework like math and chem and global. the worst. i actually plan to accomplish them all though. hopefully. alright i'm off. ttyl, God bless.

twentytwo.

hey blog, i kinda miss you (: i don't write a lot because well i've honestly been really busy. between school, church and my friends i've been really busy. lately i've found that drama aimed toward me or around me hasn't been effecting me at all. if all this was happening last week or more like the week before, i'd be a wreck. girls group has been working so much, in the past weeks i've been learning how to control my anger, the difference between venting and gossiping, and ways to just love people. i remember in the beginning of ninth grade when i was deeply in love with God, aka the best time of my life. and you're not alone i want those happy times back too. in order for me to get that happy time back in my life where i thought everyone had some good in them, i loved everyone, i judged no one, and surprisingly i was so happy. i miss those times. i miss when i could walk through the halls and look at everyone with a smile, when i didn't think anyone was a poser, when i didn't get mad when people lied, i only got sad but i forgave them instantly. God... those were the best of days. when was it that i got lost in the middle of the chaos? tanner? you're not alone i left God for a boy too. but i broke that boy's heart, not any other way, and that still to this day kills me.

and here i sit, knowing that i'll never be worthy of his everlasting love, but i'm laughing at the days that i truly believed that i was alone. i was never alone, and i would never be alone it just felt that way because i didn't look at God. what the hell was i thinking?! -headpalm- now as i'm starting to love people more, and as i'm getting right with my creator things are just falling into place, and i can not tell you how good that feels. but oh my goodness, it is probably the hardest thing to do. love people that is. the only thing that really helps me not hate as much is the fact that i'm not perfect and neither is anyone else, so who am i to judge them? i am no one. haha i know there are going to be so many haters reading this like YEAH, YOU RIGHT, YOU AIN'T NOTHING. that makes me laugh (: but that's okay. it's so hard to look at people who hate me and say, "you know what. i don't hate you." like chrissy. yup i used her name because if she does read this, which she probably never will, i want her to know this is for her. i don't hate you. i'm sorry for any annoyance i've caused you, but if you ever read this know that i bet you're a really funny girl and really cool to hang out with, i wish you the best with your life.

anyway... um so yes, i've been getting better and i'm getting happier. it sucks that people hate me for my past actions but i can't change the past, only my out look on the future. i can't change the world, but i am changing my perspective of it. easy? hell no. worth it? yes. i think the hardest thing i have to do is break my cursing habit. i've been trying to catch myself but dang it's hard. i can't wait for june28. wildwood baby! that is going to be the best youth trip ever, changed my life last year. uhhh i have extra pamphlets if anyone wants to come. blah blah blah. sorry for the whole Jesus rant but this is my blog and i'll write what i want to.

twentyone.

why ftsk you ask? because i'm in school and this is one of the only pictures i have up in my 'h' drive XD and they are so qt so it doesn't matter. but anyway, i haven't updated this in forever and there is so much i have to say. but ugh i just won't because i honestly don't feel like it. i went to a show last night with parker, mike, jess, and another mike d: it was funn, my nose is red and it hurts because i kept getting hit on it, my body is sore too but damn it was so much fun and i totally miss this whole my body legitly hurting after a show because i was actually hit. the girl screamer from iwabo (how great of a abbreviation is that?) is an alien, i swear. i respect her because those lows... so good. oh my god. vanna was truly amazing. they played all of the song i wanted them too and ugh so freaking great. also, oh, sleeper was amazing, along with the human abstract. wall of death + watching the pit + getting on the stage with the human abrstact + meeting some new people + being with my baby + taco bell + being out till 12:30 = great time. tru faxx.

i am no stranger to loss, and i've seen more than my eyes can bear, we are both love and hate and like my heart can take it like dust to the air, our pasts they crawl like vines held high and left for the wind to taste but our names mean nothing if we fail, and we will run ourselves with or without you make the earth shake. we will make the earth shake.

uh, no real drama in my life, everything is really going good. who knew that actually paying attention in class makes the day go by faster?! what the hell?! why didn't i start doing this before? like really? i should have done this whole being a good student thing before. i mean my mom's happy which means i'm happy, AND i'm getting good grades. i just wish you knew it is all for you. yeah that's kinda it. (:

twenty.

mmm kyle. day sucked at first but now it's amazing. my mom is great. can't blog long because i gotta study and do homework. -nodnod- i know it shocked me too. but it'll all be worth it. <3 can't stop listening to ftsk, i miss them :/ oh weeelllll. akayy baii.

edit: i forgot to mention that today is me and mike's three month <3 i'm really happy (: